Top resume bloopers - how not to write a resume:

1) Date of birth incorrect. You haven't put todays date by mistake have you?

2) Misspellings. You may have a degree, but if the course name is spelt incorrectly you really aren't making the most of your education.

3) Capitalisation. Job titles, names and places, companies and the first word of every sentence should start with a capital letter. NOT EVERY LETTER! You may as well handwrite your resume with a crayon.

4) Reverse chronological order. Newest stuff should always go at the top.

5) Wrong contact details. Changed your mobile? Changed your email address? Make sure its reflected on your resume. Also, email addresses are not case sensitive, unlike resume reviewers.

6) Email addresses. Try to keep it sensible. tigerpants34@hotmail.com is unlikely to impress the Board of Trustees at the school you are hoping to run. Get a new one from http://www.hotmail.com.

Here are a few more resume errors, mistakes and probably urban myths. I'll leave it to you to decide if they are true or not.

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!".

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